Tuesday, February 15, 2005

you really got a hold on me

I've heard it said often that he is the kind of person you really love or really hate. But I can't say that I fall into either category. If anything, I suppose it's far more accurate to say that I often love to hate some of the things he has written and said... and I really hate it when he says or writes something that I love, in spite of myself.

Part of that is the sheer perfection and razor skill he wields with the language; he is, without question, a deep thinker and a great writer. And, with him, I don't really have any doubt that he is completely and honestly saying what he believes. Which makes it all the more frustrating when I couldn't possibly disagree more.

And so I wait.... wait for him to come back to the place where I can (mostly) find myself in comfortable agreement with him... or until I can accept the discomfort of an intellectual infatuation that leaves me entranced with his words even as I find the ideas and sentiment behind them so completely at odds with those things I most fervently believe in.

It's a frustration and a challenge. Because, perhaps like most people, I find it far easier to close my ears to things I don't want to hear when the person saying them holds little personal appeal to me. Terrible but true. What I wouldn't give to be able to discount him in that way, making my life ever so much easier; but also insulating me entirely from that which I do not want to entertain as the possibility of being right or true because in my gut it just feels so very wrong.

But maybe that is the secret gift from above. I can't think of even one single solitary person other than Christopher Hitchens who can compel me to do that. Maybe the fact that he holds that power to fascinate and provoke me is actually a good and useful thing. Because it forces me to think and to wrestle with the angels over ideas that I wouldn't even give a moment's passing thought if I didn't have to. It hasn't changed much of my philosophies but it has forced me to acknowledge that I can find something decent and appealing and worthwhile in someone whom I no longer find a common political and philosophical ground. Maybe there is something hopeful in that.

Or I dunno; maybe this is why...


Posted by etherealfire :: 5:18 AM :: 0 Comments:

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